阿婆the GM - paper vulture ;

one out of the many questions i wanted to ask you long ago,
maybe not now, because it happened waaaay too long ago,
and anyway things' moved on now,
i just wish i didn't have to read about it on her blog today.

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3 papers in 3 days down!
one free day tmr,
then it's calculus on sat.
nabeh sat got paper.

i really really hope i don't screw up linear algebra.
even though i've been telling myself (and the whole world)
that i don't really care about my maths results anymore
because im not planning to stick with math major no matter what,
i know it's too early to assume and to plan.

like what happened after my o levels.
nearly screwed up, luckily i didn't.

sometimes i really have to wonder,
are people born with intelligence, or is it educated out of them?

because i just wish that any bit of intelligence i have
was born with me,
and not bought by education, time & money.

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i'm falling deeps deeps (:
<3 saturday come quick!
thursday come even faster!

i'm flawed, but i'm cleaning up so well

future, come quick, faster.
forever after, come even faster.

cheetah's not fast enough
tornado's not good enough,
speed of sound's just not enough
speed of light, or faster.
pretty please? :)

the red jumpsuit apparatus - your guardian angel

when i see your smile tears run down my face
i can't replace
and now that i'm stronger i've figured out
how this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
and i know i'll find deep inside me i can be the one

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

it's okay, it's okay, it's okday

seasons are changing and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
i can show you i'll be the one

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

cos you're my, you're my,
my true love, my whole heart
please don't throw that away

cos i'm here for you
please don't walk away
please tell me you'll stay, stay

use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and i know i'll be okay
though my skies are turning gray

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

---------

MUG!

i don't know how long more i can live through this.

ohwell, it's 2 days, then 10.
it's all going to be over at the end of this week.
sometimes i really miss you so much i could cry.
exams deserve to die.
but i've got no idea why i still don't dare to tell you that.
DIE EXAMS DIE!
DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this
gotta get thru' this

gogogogogo.

i'm leaving my laptop in hall over tonight!

maybe it'll just work,
i'll mug overnight today.
remind me to stock up on coffee!!

back in hall, for today at least.
then tomorrow i'll move back in.

i really really feel like giving it all up.

LP-leave out all the rest

i dreamed i was missing, you were so scared
but no one would listen, cos no one else cares
after my dreaming, i walked with this fear
what am i leaving, when i'm done here
so if you're asking me, i want you know

when my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
and don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

don't be afraid
i've taken my beating, i've shared what i made
i'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
i've never been perfect, but neither have you
so if you're asking me, i want you to know

when my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
and don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
pretending, someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are

when my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
and don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
pretending, someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are
i can't be who you are.

----------

i really should be mugging.

OH NO MY LIFE IS OVER!

but anyway it's over,
so neverminds.
heh.

i'd advise you not to assume!

anyway, congrats.
hahahahaha.
you know who you are :)

byebye england!

oops im supposed to meet ahma at 1030.
better get going lmao

laoniang needs a lot of things

i need a haircut, a not-so-well-deserved break, some more time, a pound of focus every hour, and for 27th november to be further back, and 2nd december to be not be in the middle of exams.

because i don't want to keep having to set it back into place after you mess it up, because i'm so tired from studying but it's not because i've studied lots, because i'm progressing too slowly, because the rate i'm studying i'll know i'm a goner before i take the exams, because of the reason i need more time, because idk what to do.

it's ridiculous for me to be in so many sci subcomms
because, though i joined because i loved fos,
i joined so many cos i thought i wanted hall points.
but now i don't think i'm staying in hall beyond this year
idk, maybe i am.
but at the rate i'm going,
i'm not prepared to be willing to fork out so much time and effort
just to be guaranteed accomodation.

because i'm in love with the way you ruffle my hair
because i'm in love with the way you make me feel
and of course, you too. :)

still afraid of posting truths

btw,
out of the many many,
one stood out.

after you read shir's blog,
read ahma's blog,
then read this entry.

LMAO

Your Birthdate: October 1

You don't just believe in love at first site - you've experienced it. You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter! You are very prone to love - hate relationships. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 4 You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

oh shit!
negative two!!

i really really wished you'd say something
whatever you're going to say

just saying SOMEthing would be nice enough.

and now i've decided to study,
i've much less time for you.
so please just say something.

-----------------

i bloody hate online assignments
why are there assignments even so close to exams!?

can't they just get it all over and done with?

zzzz

ding dong bell seem to be falling into place.

:)

now i've got a bloody long to do list!!!

I AM ENLIGHTENED!

ASK ME ASK ME
cos i may forget to tell you! :)

it's what i really wanna do,
but the more i think about it,
the more i think i'm getting myself into deep shit.

should i think more or think less?

fuck lah.

sp - perfect

hey dad look at me
think back and talk to me
did i grow up according to plan

and do you think i'm wasting my time
doing things i wanna do
but it hurts when you disapprove all along

and now i try hard to make it
i just want to make you proud
i'm never gonna be good enough for you
can't pretend that i'm alright
and you can't change me

cos you lost it all
nothing lasts forever
i'm sorry i can't be perfect
now it's just too late
and we can't go back
i'm sorry i can't be perfect

i try not to think
about the pain i feel inside
did you know you used to be my hero

all the days you spent with me
now seem so far away
and it feels like you don't care anymore

and now i try hard to make it
i just want to make you proud
i'm never gonna be good enough for you
i can't stand another fight
and nothing's alright

cos we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
i'm sorry i can't be perfect
now it's just too late
and we can't go back
i'm sorry i can't be perfect

nothing's gonna change the things that you said
nothing's gonna make this right again
please don't turn your back
i can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
but you don't understand

cos we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
i'm sorry i can't be perfect
now it's just too late
and we can't go back
i'm sorry i can't be perfect

cos we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
i'm sorry i can't be perfect
now it's just too late
and we can't go back
i'm sorry i can't be perfect

----------------

classic enough,
but not classic enough to be classic.
but classic nonetheless,
and classic songs are the best

how hard is talking?
how hard is expecting?
everything seems so easy when you're on a high
but becomes so tough when your world is crashing

& just because we both know, doesn't mean you don't need to say anything
(sry for the lousy grammar)

happy birthday tri ahma and lotsa lotsa people! :)

How would I change the world for the better? It's a touchy topic; one that requires in-depth thinking and that is not me. I do think, of course. But I believe strongly, that the first thing on your mind is what's should be penned down. For this, I could talk about how I can do my part as a resident of this earth. I could conserve water, I could use less paper to save the trees, I could refuse to use the pretty bag made from crocodile skin.

I could go on forever on how to save the world, but frankly, am I saving the world? I'm tired of the clichéd speeches and homespun logic. We keep hearing, "A small part from everyone makes a big difference." True that we can only play a minor role in the whole make-the-world-a-better-place act, and even truer that it requires all of us to even make a dent. How then, is it my effort - and mine alone - that the world will change for the better? It's not nice to share credit with billions other people.

Then I realised: As selfish as it sounds, my world is the world. Isn't it? For THE world to be better, I could start by making MY world work. I would live my life again. I would confess to my first love in kindergarten, I would play as hard in Primary School; I would study even harder for O'level. Even now, I can picture the world becoming a better place than when I am cutting down on my shower time.

We can all change the world for the better. And we can start by being practical, by being honest to ourselves.

from this thotpost article

pretty good?
at least we now all have an excuse to be selfish.

because your world starts with mine
and my world starts with you

mmmm mmm mmm
i believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when i sleep
hey now, and when, and when i wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
but there is not enough time,
and there is no, no song i could sing
and there is no combination of words i could say
but i will still tell you one thing,
we're better together.

it's still one big fat question mark

and i hate eating too much.

our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs,
with sepiatone loving,
love is the answer.
at least for most of the questions in my heart,
like why are we here, and where do we go
and how come it's so hard

eat your own shit.

fucking miss life from 4, 2 years back.

are those the only three things you can say?
ding, dong and bell?

no, i mean seriously.

post 500!
i'll reflect again in my 600th post lmaos

i was just wondering about how terrible my life studying math is
and (just a subset) why do we have to study imaginary numbers when they don't exist

and i went to google-my-best-friend it.
and wiki-my-next-best-friend it.

why imaginary numbers really do exist

wow they do.

and reading made me realise what made me choose math as a major in the first place.
well no, i'm not changing my decision again.
because the shittiest thing is that, i'm not studying stuff like that!

i'm differentiating and integrating, finding spans and dimensions,
diagonalizing matrices and proving why |x||y|=|xy|.
my favourite topic out of everything is probably number theory.
which is at least remotely close to what i'm interested in.

im not studying the interesting stuff that i want to
at least not yet,
but i can't wait that long to fall in love with math again.

i'm glad i didn't let go
at least even if i don't know how it'll end up (actually i do)
it's a for-now thing, and we're both happy

i think, for now, which is enough, really. (:

at least i am,
and happy is something i haven't felt in a long time.
and i mean truly truly happy,
happy until ahma wants to slap me when she sees me smiling to myself buahahahaha.

and it has sorta helped me too.
i'm now full of energy till late into the night,
and i can study! :D

though occ is still scaring the shits out of me.

it's time for another blog add change!!

kelly/cally/jiali whatever's so cute!!

:D

well it's back to more schoolwork.

if only i could just stay at once place instead of HAVING to travel between two.

everything's happening so quickly.

happy public holiday!
happy deepavali deeps deeps!

you all enjoy your ph while laoniang got lots lots to do.
zzzsss.

:D

happy birthday wayne!

i've decided!

now it's only about how to break the news.

she used to be a chancer
sparkle in the rain

it's gonna be a good excuse

"i used to use the term 'fallen from grace' so often,
i wonder if that's what's happening to me now.

i don't dare to trust you.
i don't dare to place ANY trust in you.
though i really wish to.

especially at such a crucial time.

-------------

hey there delilah
what's it like in new york city
i'm a thousand miles away
but girl tonight you look so pretty
yes you do
time square can't shine as bright as you
i swear it's true

hey there delilah
don't you worry about the distance
i'm right there if you get lonely
give this song another listen
close your eyes
listen to my voice it's my disguise
i'm by your side

oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
what you do to me

hey there delilah
i know times are getting hard
but just believe me girl
some day i'll pay the bills with this guitar
we'll have it good
we'll have the life we knew we would
my word is good

hey there delilah
i've got so much left to say
if every simple song i wrote to you
would take your breath away
i'd write it all
even more in love with me you'd fall
we'd have it all

oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me

a thousand miles seem pretty far
but they've got planes and trains and cars
i'd walk to you if i had no other way

our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because
we know that none of them have felt this way

delilah i can promise you
that by the time that we get through
the world will never ever be the same
and you're to blame

hey there delilah
you be good and don't you miss me
two more years and you'll be done with school
and i'll be making history like i do
you know it's all because of you
we can do whatever we want to

hey there delilah here's to you
this one's for you

oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
what you do to me.
oh~

rihanna/ne-yo - hate that i love you

as much as i love you
as much as i need you
and i can't stand you
must everything you do make me wanna smile
can i not like you for a while (no..)

you won't let me
you upset me girl
and then you kiss my lips
all of a sudden i forgive (that i was upset)
can't remember what you did

but i hate..
you know exactly what to do
so that i can't stay mad at you
for too long that's wrong

but i hate..
you know exactly how to touch
so that i don't want to fuss
and fight no more
said i despise that i adore you

and i hate how much i love you boy
i cant stand how much i need you
and i hate how much i love you boy
but i just can't let you go
and i hate that i love you so

you completely know the power that you have
the only one that makes me laugh

said it's not fair
how you take advantage of the fact
that i love you beyond the reason why
and it just ain't right

and i hate how much i love you girl
i can't stand how much i need you
and i hate how much i love you girl
but i just can't let you go
but i hate that i love you so

one of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
and your kiss won't make me weak
but no one in this world knows me the way you know me
so you'll probably always have a spell on me

as much i love you (as much as i need you)
as much as i need you
as much i love you
as much as i need you

and i hate that i love you so
and i hate how much i love you boy
i can't stand how much i need you
and i hate how much i love you girl
but i just can't let you go
and i hate that i love you so
and i hate that i love you so

--------------

dead beat.
this may well be the first time i felt this way.

stronger is a cool song,
i know it's US #1 and all.
but isn't it waaay too overplayed on 987?

and you played a "mashup of stand by me and beautiful girls"
exact same one,
and didn't credit norwegian recycling?
so it's called "Beautiful Girls/Stand by Me" by "MASHUP"?

please.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i just wanna scream my head off zzzzzzzzzzzz.

i know how you want me to think you feel
because i feel the same thing too.

just don't ever do the same thing to me.
(the saddest thing would be you not knowing how much i dream about you)
--------------
(and thinking that i never thought about you the same way)
ding dong bell
i wonder what's so catchy about ding dong bell.

sometimes i'm a little confused
am i being weak, without the determination to carry one
giving up with just some little setback;

or am i being strong, strong and determined enough
to pursue what i want?

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i've sort of decided,
but i know it needs more thought.
this is one thing that needs serious consideration.

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what i want and what i don't.
zzzzz
date tmr.