阿婆the GM - paper vulture ;

happy happy happy :)

thanks ahma joycie astri laiguang ivan eeks ryan domy joel edmund!!!

:D

lotsa first times!
first time i light my own birthday candles,
first time i said "eh if you all not going to sing song i just make wish and blow alr ah"
first time we play truth or dare super horny hurhurhurhurhur.



LAONIANG IS QUEEN!! :)



the sweetest things i've ever known :)

super tired.

i guess i overestimated myself.

ryan cabrera - fall baby fall

if you'll just have faith to let me be the man that i am
i'll always run back to show what words never can
i don't wanna be the one just to love then lose

let em fall baby fall
just like the rain washes it all
if the tears will help you to heal
all that is real
all that is wrong
let em fall baby fall

if you'll trust that i'm gonna stay true even when i'm gone
you don't have to worry cos i'll always be the man that you want
i don't want to be the one just to love then lose

et em fall baby fall
just like the rain washes it all
if the tears will help you to heal
all that is real
all that is wrong
let em fall baby fall

as your world spins around feet never touch the ground
always hurting inside
hiding behind the sun waiting still for the love
but it all seems so right

(you know what you need to do
if the tears will have to heal your heart
by opening that door, when i'm gone
just let them fall)

fall (baby fall)
just like the rain washes it all
if the tears will help you to heal
all that is real
all that is wrong

let em fall baby fall
just like the rain washes it all
if the tears will help you to heal
all that is real
all that is wrong
let em fall baby fall

i always have the urge to be completely honest in what i'm blogging
to stop blogging in circles and say outright what i wanna say.

but i just won't, and i don't know why.
i just don't feel secure!!

stop bringing me around in circles.
days after days,
weeks after weeks,
months after months,

just don't let it evolve into years after years.

------------

yay im starting to feel like im prepared.
to start mugging.

START.

OMFG OMFG OMFG!!!!!

------------

is there ANYONE who doesn't want to go back to the past?
put your hands up,
silently.

so fucking sick and tired.

there's always a "but" and i'm fucking sick of "buts".
it kills me because i know i shouldn't pay attention to them
but what can i do?

nothing that has happened was my fault,
but not everything that has, yours too.

so what am i supposed to do?

just stop asking about me.
just fucking stop it because i don't want to think you care
cos i don't know if you do or not
but i don't want to believe in "yes" anymore.

so, "no".

---------

super tired.
can't sleep or i'll fail.
i know it's almost impossible to get into QF.
but i'll keep trying.
because it's the only thing that gives me hope now.

even at work, i feel like a nobody.
and i'm so not used to it.

when people ask me about my work before renovations,
even though i'm telling the truth
it seems like i'm boasting.

because, i don't seem that special anymore.
maybe i'm even overpaid at $7.

-----------

if you had intentions for me right from the beginning,
just tell me.
don't even bother to ask me this and that
when you don't intend to give a heck.

i don't know man.

SHIT i am addicted to minesweeper again.

what a wrong time zzzz....

this is incredibly cute!! :)

http://www.heroesrevealed.com/cast/masi-oka/sunday-night-heroes

will i burn out?

wa lao eh supposed to study,
sleep until 330
now still eating mooncake.

later still got steamboat
tmr and fri got ucc course
tmr got scamp meeting

later got flag meeting

WA LAO EHHHHH

gave me hope and dashed it all.
gave me life and took it all back.
filled up my heart and emptied it.
left a gaping hole in my life i'll never be able to fill back.

not just paper.

going home! :)

don't be alarmed,
i'm still here :)

may change back to apothegm- soon.
can't really find a blog name i really like hahahahaha.

:)

being broken up,
slowly, surely.

nothing anyone says ever helps.

i'm glad i'm busy
or at least, going to be.

i'm supposed to be looking forward to 2 months from now,
but i'm dreading it.

i hope it never happens.
will it?

it says it all........can't cry.

LP - in between

let me apologize to begin with
let me apologize for what i'm about to say
but trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
but somehow i got caught up in between

let me apologize to begin with
let me apologize for what i'm about to say
but trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
but somehow i got caught up in between

between my pride and my promise
between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none

let me apologize to begin with
let me apologize for what i'm about to say
but trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
but somehow i got caught up in between

between my pride and my promise
between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none
the only thing that's worse than one is none

and i cannot explain to you
in anything i say or do or plan
fear is not afraid of you
guilt's a language you can understand

i cannot explain to you in anything i say or do
i hope the actions speak the words they can

for my pride and my promise
for my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none

for my pride and my promise
between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none
the only thing that's worse than one is none
the only thing that's worse than one is none

just fuck off. :'(

why d'you have to keep stabbing me
just when i'm about to walk away?

please, stop it. i'm begging you.

pink colour on my calendar is flooded.
is there a need to have so many meetings?

while what i need is green
but they are few and far between
because pink colour is overwhelming me!

blue is pathetically pathetic too
i've got no time for myself

the next orange is me,
but i don't feel anything.

---------

ohwell, here we go again.

heng heng my calendar is PRIVATE HAHAHAHAHAHA
yawnssssssssssssssssssssssssss

----------

i missed out on way too many things in my life.
am i too young to start regretting and pondering over my life?
or is it too late actually.

he said let go, i said no.
he said no, i said no way.
he said it doesn't make sense, i said nothing.

but what happens when it all turns around and haunts you?

living in the shadows of my own decisions.

and boyyyy.
my legs hurt.

shhhhhhh.

what words am i longing to hear?

might have been a big mistake.
i'm so off track now.

will be better, will be better.

grow up you dickhead.

truth is all isn't reality.

life is just about waiting for things to be over isn't it?
can't wait till classes end,
can't wait till school's out,
can't wait till exams are over,
can't wait till dinner,
can't wait till my headache subsides,
can't wait till you get your pay,
can't wait till mac delivery gets here,
can't wait till your boss gets fired but dunno by who,
can't wait till everything in the world goes your way,
can't wait till only one thing in the world goes your way.

you left me hanging from a thread,
and all i'm waiting
is for it to snap.

how will things change in two months?
something's gotta change,
it must be rearranged,

m5 - goodnight
all lies.

my new life starts today.

soon,
i'll be able to moan about one less thing in my life.
but i'll probably moan about one more too.

wish me luck!!

i'll try to live my life to the fullest
wherever i am

to make myself happy,
i gotta try.
it's all about trying.

and believing.

though i don't believe i can do much with those 4 down there,
i'll just try.
maybe they will become super enthu and super high
and super friendly too. :)

i shall try to be less of a nationalist,
for as much as i can help it.

AS MUCH.

live life to the fullest yo!

i digest my food very quickly.

WAAAY too quickly

lol.


anyway,
Mourinho makes shock Chelsea Exit
Grant set to take over at Chelsea

huat ah!

facing the wall.
promises made,
that cannot be fulfilled,
even if i am twenty hundred percent committed.
work piling up,
and cannot be done.
an alien in a familiar surrounding,
the phone that cannot be used,
the backache, and the asthma.
secrets that nobody should know.
being a witch, being a bitch,
whatever it is.

i just wanna go home.

WHICH I AM GOING TO DO LATER!
WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

CAN CHARGE MY PHONE SONGBOH SONGBOHHHHHHH.

-_-

---------------

WTH WAS THAT

teevs coming up:

1. prison break season 3 (17 sept 07 TODAY)
2. heroes season 2 (24 sept monday)
3. csi season 8 (27 sept 97 thursday)

SHIAT that means i can't mug anymoreeeee.

---------

seems like everyone's lives are going out of control
sad things here, sad things there
everyone's hiding a tear or two,
everyone's unwilling to show why they're crying inside.

catchups were good but not that nice if you know that things aren't going that well
for some of them at least.
take care all of you :)
we'll ride this out together.

it's the same old line,
what im going through just can't compare

and you know something's really wrong
when my room looks like THIS (omfg u dont wanna see it)
my homework's piling up this high (omfg u dont wanna see it too)
but i'd rather just stay online

and when it seems like there's nothing else to do online,
i'd blog, instead of getting off and doing that fna assignment due at 11 later.

i may regret all of this later,
maybe in just 2 hours,

but for now,
i just wanna huddle up to myself
and think of what i can do to comfort myself.

anyway don't call my hp k
text me if u want but i'll prob only read it tuesday.

cos i forgot to bring my charger to hall.
grrr.

if life is fair,
why do roses have thorns?

LOL.

the prospect of the future excites me
and makes me happy

but what i gotta go through before all those happen
isn't helping me smile,
at least for now.

what i've lost and what i'm not getting back.

how to be happy?
listen to mika :)

thought i was all hyped up and ready for school.

the weekend just deflated me again.
i don't wanna study!!!

was great meeting up with the girls and guys,
though on two separate occasions which is weird

but it's great getting into each other's lives again :)

meet up again soon alright?
what abt ryan's bday? (:

-----------

why can't weekends last forever?
and how come i'm dreaming again.
it's such a..disturbing dream. (and i know too well what it means)

today,
after a long day of wearing eyeliner,
and not adequately removing it before vball
and before showering and before removing my contacts

after vball, showering and removing my contacts,
i found..
BLACK, undischarged baksai in my eyes.
undischarged.
i dunno if that's a proper term for it but it was inside you know.

which stunned the hell outta me

i always thought that baksai would be black while wearing eyeliner
because it'll come into contact with the eyeliner on the way out
and thus become black!

NO!
it stores itself as black BAKSAI!!!

what an amazing discovery.

-----------

but not those that i want.

p.s. laoniang cut hair till very short todays.



this is hou mian.


super short hair yawns i wanna sleep but im doing fna tutorialssss

fna tutorials is really pissing the shit out of me.

why must the questions always be spread over two pages?
data on page 239, trial balance and questions on page 240
and it's not side by side pages
it's the same paper pages whatever you call them.

my textbook is gonna landiao and if it does
fna tutorial-question-setter is gonna pay me back
cos i wanna sell the textbook at a sui sui price.
and also, i need twice the time that i usually take to complete the tutorial
cos gotta flip pages ma!!

it's at times like this that i wish i had a photocopy machine.

--------

im losing myself. GOING MAAAAAD.
i just wanna scream and spit.

okay not actually spit spit but, ohwell.
whatever you want it to mean,
it means.

EXCEPT you know, spit. hur.

gosh it took so long to sign into MSN.

i mean, windows live messenger.

WHATEVER IT IS.........

p.s, when are you gonna throw money down into my pockets/bank account?

happy birthday qian! :)

first blogger forces me to claim my blog with my google account
and then hotmail forces me to change to windows live mail.

i like to stick with old, traditional stuff can.

its heartwarming to see all these things happening.
and now my life seems just a little brighter.

:)

off i go to study!

my favourite song atm is mika's happy ending?
for the past few weeks all my favourite songs were mika's

i'm obsessed! hahahaa

and so fucking tired.
i'm sick of having to pack.
but i just can't stay organized. heh.

this is the way you left me, i'm not pretending (what's the point of crafting
no hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending such beautiful sentences
this is the way that we love, like it's forever when i know without you,
then live the rest of our live, but not together life'll never be beautiful)

i cannot stand the connection in nus anymore!!

yay for gg home tmr :)

msn's doing a little better today,
but im trying to download an installer
and it's like 5-8kbps?!?!??!?!

shit gotta get to TUTORIALSSSSS

------------

we're all behind you!
i'm glad you've found happiness
and remember what i said
we're always here (:

you know who you are :)

now that it's true
i wish you all the best.

:)

istunned.

it suddenly sank in
what kind of a friend i always was.

for my team-mate, my friend.

even if everything isn't true,
i'd like to be a better friend.

being the best doesn't mean you're good. (and i know it too well)

been taken through a whirlwind

trying hard to sort things out
focused one minute,
lackadaisical the next.

gotta be focused
gotta be focused

gotta get through this.

super tired.

zzzzzz.

tripping over tutorials in my room.

-----------

just did maple quiz 1.

and suddenly i see an email.

Dear CHAI YU XUAN BRENDA,
Please be informed that you are required to undertake the Assessment as mentioned above on the following date/time:
Start Date/Time : Sep 10 2007 12:00AM
End Date/Time : Sep 23 2007 12:00AM
IVLE Assessment : Maple Quiz 2
Module Code : MA1102R
Module Title : CALCULUS

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a system generated email. Please do not reply to this email.

Regards, IVLE Team

super fast can?

---------

overheard an interesting conversation at the pasar malam today.

girl: do you want to buy kueh tutu? there's coconut, chocolate and peanut.
guy: hmm. think i want one peanut.
girl: you want to buy one only? don't so loser la!

well, don't blame the guy. there's more.

girl: think there's a minimum order sort of thing.
guy: yeah what's the minimum order?
girl: oh, 5 for $2. means 5 is minimum right? hmm. i want 5 coconut.
guy: okay..
girl: oh you wanted the peanut is it?
guy: dunno leh, never eat before.

WOW.
they sounded pretty angmoh accent, so thought maybe they not local.

girl: auntie, 我要五个椰子。

chinese not so bad what!

OMG JUST LOOK AT THIS CLASSIC PHOTO



super young boy.

omg super classic photos!
super nostalgic!

i miss 304.

my heart breaks when i read her blog
because all she wants is him
she's such a sweet girl
but he's such a bastard
and i know that as much as anyone else

he doesn't deserve you,
so get over him girl.

i wish i could tell her that.
the sweet young thing..

how can i make you see?

----------

wake up early to have breakfast,
do tutorials
and do sudoku?

when lessons start at 3????

what a meaningful life HEH.

------------

and who am i to comment?

like i love you.

------------

my interpretation

you talk about life
you talk about death
and everything in between
like it's nothing
and the words are easy

you talk about me
and talk about you
and everything i do
like it's something
that needs repeated

i don't need an alibi
or for you to realise
the things we left unsaid
are only taking space up in our head

make it my fault win the game
point the finger, place the blame
it does me up and down
it doesn't matter now

cos i don't care if i ever talk to you again
this is not about emotion
i don't need a reason not to care what you say
or what happened in the end
this is my interpretation
and it don't don't make sense.

the first to wish to count to ten
i hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen
does it really matter
if half of what you said is true
and half of what i didn't do
could be different
would it make it better

if we forget the things we know
would we have somewhere to go
the only way is down
i can see that now

cos i don't care if i ever talk to you again
this is not about emotion
i don't need a reason not to care what you say
or what happened in the end
this is my interpretation
and it don't don't make sense.

it's really not such a sacrifice

if i ever talk to you again.
this is not about emotion
i don't need a reason not to care what you say
or what happened in the end
this is my interpretation
and it don't don't make sense.

and it don't have to make no sense to you at all
cos this is my interpretation

------------

in the past, when i posted lyrics on my blog
i'd bold the parts that meant the most to me
in case nobody could get what i was trying to say
in case people read the wrong meaning of the song.

now, i don't bold those parts anymore
because now i'm afraid of being judged
because now i'm afraid of being read
and because i don't want to look back and remember
what was the most painful.

maybe i've grown up
maybe i'm still trying to grow up.

i've been keeping too many secrets from everyone.
i'm not who i am and who i appear to be.

i've quit that life and i'm glad for that
but sometimes,
i really wish to go back
just to pretend to feel better. :D

-------------

doesn't mika just rock your ass off?

AND TUTORIALS WAY WAY WAY DON'T.

having high school musical 2, heroes season 2 and csi7 all coming in at the same time
doesn't do very well for my grades HEH

i'm losing out in class participation HOHO.

okay i'm sick of school.
I AM

i will come home every week.
even if it's just to sleep the whole night away,

i will.

i'm a bad example of a person to be
because i keep hanging on to the past
i know.

-----------

didn't know being at home could feel so sweet.
even though my room's been taken over
even though the tv's spoilt.
even though bt's not that much faster
even though it's far far far away from school.
even though i'll probably stay here only once a week
even though ke is probably gonna be the place i stay in the most

home beats you, hands down.
unless i'm in pgp cos home doesn't have cute angmohs
but pgp doesn't have brandon chai and the other lovable ones :)
and pgp doesn't have home. <3

OHMYGOD

i can't wait for season two!

24sept OMG OMG OMG
shit my schoolwork is gonna suffer again.

---------

i did it before
no reason why i can't do it again now

what makes this world go round
will the answer let her down
she is so sweet and young
and her life has just begun

what does her future hold
that's a story left unknown
will she make it through her days
let our love lead the way

part of me laughs
part of me cries
part of me wants to question why (question why)
why is there joy
why is there pain
why is there sunshine then the rain (one day)

one day you're here (you are gone)
next you are gone
no matter what we must go on
just keep the faith and let love lead the way

everything will work out fine
if you let love, love lead the way

sitting there all alone
in the window of her room
watching the world go by
brings tears to her eyes

all she sees is hurt and pain
and she wants to break the chains
she'll keep pressing everyday
and she'll find her own sweet way

part of me laughs (me laughs then)
part of me cries (i cry)
part of me wants to question why (wants to question why)
why is there joy
why is there pain (so much pain)
why is there sunshine then the rain (sunshine then the rain)

one day you're here (you're here)
next you are gone (you're gone)
no matter what we must go on (i will go on)
just keep the faith and (keep your faith)
let love lead the way (i know, i know, i know)

you can be all that
and still can be who you are
you've gotta know for sure
that isn't make believe

you may feel weak
but you are strong
don't you give up, girl
if you keep holding on
you'll never be wrong
just close your eyes
cos it lies deep in your heart yeah

part of me laughs
part of me cries (i cry)
part of me wants to question why (i do, i do)
why is there joy
why is there pain (why is it)
why is there sunshine then the rain (why is there sunshine then the rain)

one day you're here (you're here)
next you are gone (oh gone)
no matter what we must go on (we must keep the faith)
just keep the faith and let love lead the way

everything will work out fine
if you let love
love lead the way

three-four posts in one day is a little too much i know
but stuff just makes me wanna keep talking.

there're so many things i regret
so much.

things i can't say out here.

and all i want to do now is to tell others what's going on
so they won't make the same mistakes.

classic msn moments part 2:

classic msn moments part 1:

technically school is work right
since when you're in school
and people ask you what's your occupation
you beam and say i'm a student.

the only difference perhaps is that you don't earn money from school
but if i wanna bring in FNA1002X,
you're sort of earning money for the future.
but anyway forget it.

but how come during work it feels like such a vacation
once you're off work or not working
you wanna go out and play

but when you're in school it's so different
once you have free time you just wanna retreat into your room
and free time isn't exactly free too
there's always work to do.

i know vacation jobs aren't exactly everyone's definition of work
1-2k a month isn't exactly gonna put you through life
but it's so much less taxing on the mind and body.
i can't believe i thought work was tiring.

it's wrong to look for fun in everything you do
other things are more important too.
school's important, and school's fun at times too.

but when it gets too melodramatic and waaaay too monotonous,
i start to want to just work in f&b/service for 2k for the rest of my life.

but that's not practical.

i'll get through this,
4 years is all it takes.

but will what i'm doing at the end of it all
even be close to what i really want?

----------

anyone agree?

----------

p.s. haven't really blogged in ages. 've been just crapping

hur.

i want to hear drums
and my heart's a drum
i guess we never know
what to become

---------------

i'm plain tired
exhausted
all sorts of feelings are piling up inside of me

when they say they're tired
i wish i could be there with them too.

i still can't believe what happened.

i'm plain tired.
exhausted.
and i just feel like giving up.

i never knew perfection till
i heard you speak
and now it kills me
just to hear you say the simple things

now waking up is hard to do
and sleeping's impossible too
everything's reminding me of you
what can i do

it's not right
not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way
i'm not fine
i'm in pain
it's harder everyday
maybe we're better off this way
it's better that we break

a fool to let you slip away
i chase you just to hear you say
you're scared and that you think that i'm insane

the city looks so nice from here
pity i can't see it clearly
while you're standing there it disappears
it disappears

it's not right
not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way
i'm not fine
i'm in pain
it's harder everyday
maybe we're better off this way
it's better that we break

saw you sitting all alone
you're fragile and you're cold
but that's alright
life these days is getting rough
they've knocked you down and beat you up
but it's just a rollercoaster anyway

it's not right
not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way
i'm not fine
i'm in pain
it's harder everyday
maybe we're better off this way

i'm not fine
not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way
i'm not fine
i'm in pain
it's harder everyday
maybe we're better off this way
it's better that we break, baby.
(it's staring right back at you in the face)
--------------
(and how i wish it wasn't true, although reality never lies)
now i can hit back
i mean at my books.